I’ll be in love, whether you’re here or not.
For the first time in years, I had a few mental days completely to myself. I wasn’t on anyone else’s schedule, I had nothing to study for, and I had no plans to attend to other than those I had made myself. The break in demands, resulted in several naps (like 3 a day), and some revelations on what it truly means to be at peace.
Admittedly, I like being overbooked, I like to work hard, and I like to go to bed at night tired, really tired. I do my best to find ways to slow my life down, but true to form things like running, and reading, inevitably become part of the schedule as well. Who I am constantly in competition with, I am not sure… But the last few days were different. They were literally a few of the best days I’ve had all year.
There were no repercussions for being absent minded, there was no order, and no to do list. Could I do it forever? Probably not. However there is something to be said about being completely present in your life, in the absence of all other demands. It made me begin to think about my life, where I am headed, and where I have been. How fortunate I feel to not only have the life that I have, but also the people in it. The time off gave me space to mentally wander, and an odd confession I dreamt this weekend, for the first time in probably two years.
I got to thinking- could I be this person always? When the proverbial plate starts filling up again? Could I still be this me? Being the type A personality that I am, of course I turned my 48 hour hiatus into a tangible goal. To work to be this version of myself even in the chaos. To be as in love with the small moments as the big ones, and especially find new value in time to oneself. What a gift I suppose it is to love, be loved, and left alone… I’ll be that person who loves you enough to let you be… or at least I’ll try.
Sounds from my weekend…